Navigating the dating climate of today can be like sifting through an encyclopaedia of words that you have never used to ever describe your dating life. In the past, ‘courting’ and ‘going steady’’ may have sufficed, but today, these just won’t guarantee you with someone you can take home to meet the parents. When it comes to dating, Swingers Crazy Golf knows what it is talking about, with its unique venues across the U.S and U.K playing host to many dating disasters and dating wins every year, setting the scene for great romances and fanciful failures to come. It is only polite to navigate the wacky and absurd dating jargon of today in a Swingers Crazy Golf setting, this way you won’t have to spend the first five minutes of being ‘zombied’ with a golf club in one hand accompanied by a look of confusion splashed across your face. Understanding is the first step to acceptance after all (right?)
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Zombieing: After messaging your friend that your date didn’t show, they decide to accompany you for a pity session around the fantastical Swingers green. You are both in unspoken mutual agreement that the golfing ghost who you were meant to be knocking back pints and putting holes with will not be mentioned until a familiar figure appears behind the wooden Swingers ferris Wheel. At first you mistake this figure for a Swingers Halloween special, yet it’s September and the big Swingers golf summer event is on. The individual has a fleeting air about them, and then you realise that it’s the date who ghosted you but this time they have taken on the form of a zombie and come back from the dead.You have officially been *zombied*, a term used to describe those who stop contacting you yet come back after a few months, or even scarier, years. Zombies will take control of the golfing game and immediately demand to reconnect with all the deathly might they have within them. Do not be perturbed, however, zombies are easy to spot especially when partnered with the luxurious Swingers Crazy Golf backdrop.
How to handle zombieing: The stench of death should be enough to remind you of how long it has taken these non-committing monsters to finally make time for you in their life. Zombies are best handled like the pro who has just scored a birdie: with grace and a goodbye.
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Swingers Crazy Golf makes getting food on a date as stress-free as possible. Without having to deal with the awkward waiter who never knows who to ask for the bill, Swingers encourages a grab it and go approach which means you can casually sit back enjoying your Breddos Nachos whilst downplaying your golfing prowess to your date overlooking the elegant scenery.. Do not mistake the heavenly Pizza Pilgrims stand for breadcrumbing however. You know that those golfing lessons you had back in school have contributed to the swing you have today, but you get the feeling your date is hyping your skills up a little too much. Swingers Crazy Golf knows that it’s elaborate setting is enough to get to your head and make you feel like you are in another realm, but be wary of dead-ended and intense flirting with little room for actual commitment. This is what can be known today as ‘breadcrumbing’, and it is the small, inconsistent pieces of attention your date uses to keep you hooked yet never makes any affirmative or definite plans to point towards commitment in the future. You leave your date feeling like Tiger Woods in his prime after all the awe your swing was met with yet after a suggestion to try out the Swingers Crazy Golf course in Washington DC as well as the one in New York (because pros have to start somewhere) you are met with deathly online radio silence.
How to handle breadcrumbing: Some may also class this as a bout of ghosting but the accompaniment of unnecessary and overtly false compliments pairs perfectly to provide a painful breadcrumbing disaster. Hang your club in shame as you vow to never envision a golfing career and relationship ever again.
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Online dating has opened up a world of possibility for those looking for connection and lasting love affairs. Your friend recently set you up with a hinge profile because you couldn’t bear the thought of having to sift through the 109679 selfies you took without cringing repeatedly and have matched with someone looking for an adventurous date night at Swingers Crazy Golf. You tee off well, and even promise to be each other’s long-lasting caddies (clearly the Swingers Garden Sour cocktail talking), yet be warned: how you get them, is sometimes how you lose them. Despite orbiting around the golf course with you, they also decide to orbit themselves out of your life and occasionally remind you of their false golf promises with frequent Instagram story views and occasionally push the boat out now and again with the odd like. You have officially been orbited and just like any golfing pro navigating a sand trap, orbiters require the same careful handling.
How to handle orbiters: Those who orbit often lack any ounce of commitment within their bodies yet just like the indecisive dwarf planet Pluto, simply cannot make up their minds when it comes to how they want you in their lives. Holding you at a distance through social media sprinklings of connection is the orbiter’s way of exerting control over your feelings but their worst enemy is the block and unfollow button. Using the same careful precision you handle your Swingers Crazy Golf Club with to remove this individual from your life via social media is all that is required for a non-committing space entity to stay in their universe far, far away from yours and the Swingers Crazy Golf course.
No one wants to be put on the bench during team sports at school, and it is the same with dating. The Swingers Golf course can be enjoyed off the course when accompanied by an elderflower spritz , but the real adventure is on the green surrounded by the luscious surroundings and the perfect date. Swingers Crazy Golf can guarantee you a thrilling setting and perfect food, but can only do so much matchmaking. You may originally mistake your date for having really bad eyesight and may find them taking a while to notice the hole-in-on you finally achieved, but then you may realise that they actually are distracted by who is sitting at the bar. Don’t be bummed by the fact they didn’t acknowledge your skilful swing, but instead take this as a hint that the bench may be summoning you to the sidelines as they weigh up their other options. This is a case of benching, and it doesn’t guarantee an invite back to the clubhouse afterwards.
How to handle benchers: Those who bench are often easily-distracted romantically, making it hard to trust them within a relationship. There is keeping your options open, but also keeping your options open once you are six-months into dating. When distracted at the first tee-off in the Swingers Crazy Golf setting, take it as a sign that your date may be emotionally unavailable to commit in the future, leaving you flummoxed on the bench (or the Swingers lit-up carousel). Those who bench often have been benched themselves and fear commitment. Don’t be mistaken however, the only thing you can change about them is their golfing skills and not their commitment.
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You’ve managed to not be expelled to the bench, orbited around the course, and zombied at the last hole. You start to sense victory is coming your way, and can finally tell your parents that the golf lessons that you insisted they invest in when you were ten actually paid off as you finally managed to conjure up a relationship out of such. Just as you are about to take up your final par, then your date mentions cuffing and you fear you have been hit with a bogey. Instead of going to the bar and drowning your sorrows in a cocktail destined for winners only, you let your date explain themselves. Instead of being informed that you will be destined to first dates amongst the undulating bridges on Swingers Crazy Golf course forever, your date insists on making plans well beyond the 18th hole- essentially cuffing you and flirting with the chance to enter a serious relationship. You immediately swap your golf club for your phone and finally tell your parents that the golf lessons were in fact, worth it.
How to handle being cuffed: Playing the Swingers Crazy Golf field is fun for a first date, but in reality, it is an injustice to enjoy such just once. Try out every food stall, and experience every venue with a new relationship that doesn’t give you breadcrumbs every time you take a hit, or appear as a zombie just when you thought luck was finally coming your way. Swingers Crazy golf courses are renowned for being the place where many relationships first took shape ( it’s something about those decadent courses). If you think you are now all up to date with the dating lingo of today, it’s time to soft launch your new relationship .. Wait, do we need to explain?
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